SALE OF THE DAMMED
Saturday, June 17, 10 a.m. Your chance to unload "art" that didn't sell at last month's gallery show. That or framed photos of John Wayne Gacy, those fetid pig's heads you've been hoarding, or other items you're now to jaded to enjoy. As vendors, we're requesting that at least a third of the items offered should be either absurdly useless and absurdly overpriced, downright bizarre, or all three. If you can't manage that, then for gods sake, please dress as bigfoot, conduct transactions in pig latin, only accept payment in pennies, remove one article of clothing for every item over $5 sold, or some such gimmick. None of these options fit your style? Fret not, there are plenty of other subversive possibilities -- what about a "hazardous materials" section? A "used" drugs section? (expired, half-empty prescription bottle)? Used dildos and other sex toys? Underwear with crotch stains? Signs offering questionable "services" behind the house? A human sacrifice lottery? Embryos in jars? How 'bout a table with dentures, bed pan, and hearing aid, etc. (Seller should burst into tears whenever someone handles one of these objects -- "Not the bed pan! It was Mom's favorite!" What about posing as a hyperneurotic vendors who make a prolonged ordeal out of the simplest sale, lowers the price ridiculously, and then goes running out to the buyer's car as they leaves screaming, "Wait, I've changed my mind." Don't forget to have all buyers sign this irritating buyer's agreement for each trivial purchase -- download the rich text file and print multiple copies! And yes, this yard sale will come with its own DJ spinning the odd and unspeakable.
Where: 1063 Hyperion Avenue a Cacophony-friendly front yard near Book Bound (original location of Amok). We will spill over into the bookstore's sidewalk space.
RSVP: Orange Hair Boy (213) 385-7321, firstname.lastname@example.org. To help make sure this is an out-and-out event and not just a pointlessly run-of-the-mill rummage sale, I need to know EXACTLY who is coming and what each person is bringing/selling/doing. Please get in touch ASAP.
a Freud. Be Very a Freud
Sunday, June 18, 1 p.m. Ridiculed, revered, debunked, forgotten: pity poor Freud, the first intellectual big-shot to listen to the burbling cacophony of the unconscious and act like he knew what it means. Just because all his theories have been proven wrong doesn't make him any less respectable, and to show our appreciation (and maybe even a little penis envy) for the man who inspired a lot of bad art and started an industry bigger than U.S. Steel, we'll be dosing ourselves with Prozac and dressing up to visit the Freud exhibit (that's exhibit, not exhibition) at the Skirball Cultural Center. Some costume ideas: Oedipus and Jocasta; Anna O.; the Id, Ego, and Superego chained together; a simple Freudian slip; and the famous doc himself. We'll be taking the joint beyond the pleasure principle.
Where: Skirball Cultural Center, 2701 N. Sepulveda Blvd. in the Sepulveda Pass. Visit http://www.skirball.com/ and let the site help you with your problems. Don't be anal-retentive; pay the $8 admission ($6 if the authority figure shares your delusion about being a student). Parking is free but has complexes; we'll be carpooling from the security of our turf in Silver Lake -- specifically, leaving the K-Mart/McDonald's parking lot at Fletcher and San Fernando at 1:00 p.m. sharp. We should be performing Civilization and Its Discontents: The Musical by about 2:00.
Contact: Whiny, neurotic questions can be directed to Eric at (323) 662-4999, email@example.com.
Saturday, June 24, 9 pm
The Dung Beatles Everyone in the Dung Beatles is named John. Not the Beatles but an incontinent simulation. Go-go girl with dog-doo bras will gyrate to shithouse re-writes of pop faves.
The Defecators sewer-black electronica-futurist filthmongering featuring members of Robot Monster and Ark Spurting Blood.
Tracy of the Hindenburg Ground Crew answers many of the questions posed by Screamin' Jay Hawkins "Constipation Blues." Acoustic, yet "plugged."
Dr. Robert Moss presents "Input/Output: Seven Days of Digestive Metamorphisis" an illustrated lecture.
Chuckles the Klown presents "Adventures in Poo."
Rev. Tin Ear of Angry Thoreauan will read excerpts out of 'Shit is The Clay of Life' from AT25, the Coprology issue."
Eric Brown, reads from "Comes out Brown."
J. Alvarado, read
from their works "The Magic of Colonics"
Master of Ceremonies: MR. PIDDLES, (the neighbor Mr. Rogers never visited.)
POTTYCON 2000 TOILET TRIATHALON
FILTHY GAMES FOR ONE AND ALL.
Round One: Blindfolded contestant match bathroom spray scent with proper brand names and "flavor."
Round Two: Contestants given three samples to sniff, one containing human urine, the other two vinegar and cheap wine. They are challenged to pick the urine from the furthest sniffing radius possible.
A squirting dildos is fixed to a mannequin pelvis and fitted with a capacious "bladder." Urine flows can be controlled by squeezing shut the rubber urethra, direction by bending the shaft. Contestants manning the dildo are challenged to fill a champagne flute from a given distance. Neatness counts. (Or perhaps the same contest could be played out more simply with an enema kit?)
Four white-gloved contestants compete to clean pudding from plastic ass with smaller and smaller lenghts of toilet paper. When gloves are soiled contestant is out.
FROM THE BOWELS
Gallery of Functional and Aesthetic Shit
Rare Video Screening of children's toilet training musical "Once Upon a Potty"
Audio Assemblage: Sounds of the Sewer
Lemonade & Hot Fudge on Diapers?
Info: (213) 694-2478, firstname.lastname@example.org. Where:The Smell, (Where else?) 247 South Main (between Second and Third). Park and enter in REAR; entrance not visible from street. Cost: $6, Bring photos of your personal toilet droppings and get in free! (BYOB)
Inter faeces et urinam nascimur.
(We are born between shit and urine)
-- Saint Augustine
CYCLECIDE BIKE RODEO